JD Vallinger

The God of False Culture A Giant Head That Floats in Space.

Shape shifter.

JD Vallinger has gone by many names, but make no mistake it has been around since time immemorial. Through false prophets, jokes, academia, music, story and any manner of relics symbols and even once through a mime in Bavaria, the spirit has had a knack for shaping the narrative to suit his own ends.

It is believed that JD Vallinger is loyal in every way to the great and evil DemonGod of capital who shall not be named, but this is not true. JD has been around for much longer, and will survive well beyond, the evil overlord of the Amazon Shame Forest, who of course we will get to later. No, JD Vallinger is not in the service of capital, but of himself. So, currently, as things stand in the imbalance of fairness JD for sure is doing the dark one’s bidding, but he can and will turn on the dark one when it suits him.

To understand this evil spirit you must understand the nature of what it means to be isolated. To feel cut off. To feel alone. In those moments, when a human being looks out a world that seems to have no use for them, no place to stand in power, or rest in peace - when you feel like nothing you have ever done or believed in is of value, it is there that JD lurks. Preying on your prayers, attaching to your lack of connectedness and whispering softly through pudgy cheeks, come with me. I know a place where the things your culture built will be made whole again. Where a person like you is honored, as you should be.

The god of false culture preys on these fears because he understands them. No matter how powerful he’s become, and make no mistake he has become quite powerful throughout earth’s time - from the House of Medici in the Italian city states to the Feudal land owners claiming divine rights as they raped famer’s wives and fatted themselves on what was not theirs in Great Britain, he’s always been there and he’s always been powerful. He expelled Dante from Florence. He both lifted up the Russian czars AND killed anastasia when he was done with them.

And he will kill you too, if you let him. He will make you feel important.